The Choices We Make
by ProfTweety
Summary: Sharon and Andy each have time to think about the latest events during the recital (ep 3.13). Having both decided this warrants further discussion, they make time to be alone and talk things through.
1. Sharon's POV

_**The Choices We Make**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Sharon has time to think during the recital (ep 3/13).I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

They sat next to each other at _The Nutcracker_; Rusty and Nicole would have settled for nothing else. Her mind was racing with thoughts: of her and Jack over the years, of her and Andy since Nicole's wedding, of Nicole's advice-seeking question, and of Rusty's explanation of how they were not dating. Ordinarily, she would've been bothered by how upfront he was being with her personal life _but_ it was helping Andy and bringing clarity while at the same time adding to her confusion.

_We're not dating,_ she had said repeatedly. Was it really just to clear up any confusion on the part of others or was it also an attempt to clear up her own? _Several times a month_, he had said, and then he had smirked at her too. Was she that oblivious? Was Andy oblivious too or was that another lie of omission on his part? Clearly he had a year to tell her about Nicole's assumptions. Rather than discuss it with her, he tried to keep Nicole away from her. The last year made perfect sense to her now: why Andy was always making sure she and Nicole were never alone for too long, why Lt Provenza had started calling his best friend an idiot, why Jack wondered if she was dating, and why Rusty rolled his eyes every time she said _we're just friends_ before Andy showed up for yet another non-date dinner.

She felt his fingers softly touch hers, ever so hesitantly, and before she had a chance to think her own entwined with his. Carefully glancing at him, she saw his sheepishly sad look that said _I'm sorry_ before the words came out of his mouth. In a whisper, _I know_ was all she could get out. When the sadness in his eyes deepened, she managed to add _I'm confused and disappointed_ but held on tight to his hand as he tried to let go. She realized that while she was slightly lost, she didn't need the kind of space he was offering. Sometimes you have to hold on to runners for their own good and _he_ had to better learn when to hold on to her.

She went over every detail of what had transpired the last two days. The conversation after dinner was the most enlightening to her. It was not only hearing how Rusty saw things and how Nicole latched on to what he was saying. It was Andy himself who struck her the most. She could tell he was fully aware of how badly he had messed up with both she and Nicole. His _I don't wanna_ in her office reminded her of a petulant child but he had done it anyway – because _she_ said he had to. He spoke hesitantly but he spoke the truth and his daughter was upset and rightfully so. Deep down she knew how much Andy had changed yet how much he _still_ sought approval. She had come to his defense, as a good friend, pointing out all the best in him and she saw his relief and sadness when she was done. Rusty's questions for them actually relieved Andy even more while they only further confused her. Somehow Nicole picked up on Rusty's line of thinking and got on board. By the time they left the condo, she had figured things out somewhat: they spent a great deal of time together, they discussed everything or so she had thought, they were there for each other of that she was certain, and she was no longer a married woman thus free to date.

She _was_ interested in him as more than a friend but, of course as was the norm for her, she had hidden behind her marriage. She thought he must be interested in her too, otherwise why spend so much time together. He could easily date someone yet he never mentioned anyone. If he wasn't keeping anything else from her, the last girl he was with was a few years ago. She had wondered why he mentioned that to her. Had he just wanted her to know he was _only_ with her in case she ever felt something for him that fell outside of mere friendship?

A thought entered from out of nowhere; her mind's eye watching that after-dinner scene play out yet again. Andy looked trapped between them, unable to escape, doing what she told him to do, risking and accepting Nicole's anger at him because _she_ wanted the truth out there. It occurred to her that ultimately she had forced him to choose between the two of them and, knowing what it might cost him, he had chosen her.

They _definitely_ needed to talk.

[TBC]


	2. Andy's POV

_**The Choices We Make (Andy POV)**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Andy has time to think during the recital (ep 3/13).I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

He knew he screwed up, bigger than he had in a long time. He had not only let his daughter hold onto the wrong assumption she had made concerning his relationship with Sharon but, worse yet, he had _encouraged_ it over the last year. A year! Damnit! Provenza was right; he was an idiot and a pathetic one at that.

Not mentioning it to Sharon was a lie of omission and he was no stranger to how she reacted to falsehoods of any kind. Jack had lied to her enough for five guys and he knew it. She had shared a lot with him during their time spent together and yet he was aware that he didn't yet know _all_ of it. She would never open up that much to anyone. He had seen hurt, for sure and anger but he thought he saw glimpses of shame sometimes. He had never pushed her though and she had never offered to explain further than she already had. Knowing what her past was like made him feel that much worse and though he knew what might happen between himself and Nicole, he _had_ to chance telling her the truth for the sake of his relationship with Sharon.

Now he clearly saw anger and confusion and he had to make this right for her, for _them_. His daughter was going to be pissed at him but what else was new when you really looked at the totality of their relationship. He didn't have a good history with her but he _was_ going all out trying to make it up to her now. Well, he _had_ been but now Sharon wanted him to tell Nicole the truth. If he _did_, it would remind his daughter what a manipulative ass he could be sometimes. If he _didn't_, it would interfere with what he had been building with Sharon. This was a mess of his own making so _he_ had to deal with it, consequences be damned.

Trying the avoidance technique didn't work so he had ended up at Sharon's having dinner with Rusty and Nicole. It was actually a nice meal; good food, nice conversation and a ballet to look forward to later in the evening. All hell broke loose after dinner though and it was d_o or die_ time. Sharon wanted him to tell Nicole the truth _before_ they left for the recital.

Words don't come easily to a man trying to keep two women happy at the same time. He had stumbled his way through but obviously his daughter had gotten the message because she was _definitely_ pissed at him. She started questioning him, and by the change in her voice and the look on her face, it was so obvious that she was remembering the past. Sharon had the same look on her face when Nicole had left her office. _God, how the past comes back to haunt you_ when you least expect it. At some point, when he had no idea what else to say to Nicole, Sharon tried to help smooth things over. She did manage to calm his daughter down but he could tell she was still angry, just not as much of a hothead as her father to show it.

Rusty was amazing for a poor kid stuck going to a ballet of all things. He had started pointing things out to them. He thought the kid was doing it more for the women's sake and was beyond happy that it seemed to be working. Nicole actually smiled though Sharon seemed more confused. _That's gonna be a conversation_ kept pounding his head.

He was going to check on Sharon but Nicole must've realized it and moved him along. He was happy when he got to sit next to her at the recital; happier when she took his hand. He had thought she'd need more space but she wouldn't let go. Provenza called her a runner. _Maybe she's trying to change just like me_, he allowed himself to think without looking too hard at her. But for as much as he _had_ changed, he had lied to his friend _and_ his daughter and now was his opportunity to make it up to both of them.

Based on the smirks, pointed fingers and eye rolls between Rusty and Nicole, making amends to his daughter wouldn't be as hard as he had initially thought. The look on Sharon's face didn't match her actions though. She'd be a harder nut to crack – if she didn't crack him instead. He had so much to say to her yet he _really_ didn't know how.

Despite that, they _definitely_ needed to talk.

[TBC]


	3. Presently Affected

_**The Choices We Make (Presently Affected)**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Their conversation in three parts, dealing with the present, past and future.I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

**A/N 2**: I love the beach during winter's isolation up in ME; the campfires on the beach at night are something I remember as a child growing up in DE. I have never been to CA.

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Andy had been happily surprised when Sharon accepted Rusty's invitation for him to drive them all to the recital. _Because, like, Nicole is gonna drive home with her husband and his kids, so he can, like, drive you back home like always_, was the kid's reasoning. Nicole had happily jumped in the back seat with Rusty and their snarky though humorous comments could be heard up front the entire ride.

Taking time after the ballet to say good-bye to Nicole, he wanted her to know that he _had_ really changed. He apologized again. This time, in addition to the explanation he had given in the condo, he added that he had so badly wanted her assumption to come true. Being too afraid to bring it up to Sharon was a mistake, he admitted to his daughter, but lying to both of them was even worse. Nicole voiced her displeasure at the lie itself but also her understanding of her father's motivation. Having reached solid ground enough for now, they hugged good night with Nicole wishing him luck on his next round of amends.

On the drive back to Sharon's, they stayed in safe territory by discussing only the recital and the boys' performances. He had taken her hand and for most of the ride she let him. In the rearview mirror, he glimpsed Rusty smirking while texting.

Pulling into the garage, he tried to think of ways to get her to stay with him. She always invited him up for coffee but he didn't want their actions and words to be a series of play-by-play texts. Rusty continued trying to be helpful by saying good night to Andy and telling Sharon he was going to sleep because he had an early work schedule the next day. She had nodded and said good night then turned nervously towards Andy.

"Let's go somewhere neutral. We need to talk, Sharon, and if I let you stay in your head too long I'm screwed."

"What with your way with words, is it any wonder we…, I…," she broke off before finishing. _Not the time_, she told herself. "Some place neutral sounds like just what we need right now."

He didn't have a destination in mind when he made the suggestion but he knew he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. She didn't say anything as they passed the travel signs cluing her into where he was headed. It made perfect sense; they had both mentioned at least once that the beach had a calming effect on them during stressful times.

It was late so parking was plentiful. He pulled into a spot that left them only a short distance to walk before their feet hit the sand. She removed her shoes before he opened the door for her. Sitting by the little campfires the beach provided at night, they initially sat in silence enjoying the warmth the flames put off. It wasn't until he saw her finally truly relax that he dared speak.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm an idiot. I know you hate to be lied to. I know you are afraid to be hurt again. I know you're not as hard as you pretend to be. I know all of this and I still screwed up. I'm sorry, Sharon. You have no reason to believe me right now but I am _so_ sorry."

He tried to look at her but his emotions were too much right then so he watched the waves move to and fro. Their constant motion calmed him enough to hear her respond.

"I know you well enough by now to believe you, Andy, to believe you _are_ sorry for what you did. I accept your apology." She moved closer to him, "That doesn't mean this is the end of our discussion."

"I know," he sighed, "it's just the beginning, isn't it, Sharon?"

"Yes."

"Before we get into the deep stuff, I just gotta ask…you _really_ didn't see that I like you?"

"As a friend, yes I did," she paused, watching the waves, "as anything more, no I honestly didn't, Andy."

"Okay," he mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck.

With her fingers twitching relentlessly, she explained her lack of observation, "I've had a crazy couple of years."

"I know and I did my best to make them easier on you. I wanted you to know _I_ was there for you, Sharon, no matter what."

"I _do_ know that," tucking her hands in her pockets to still her fingers, "I'm not as good personally as I am professionally."

"Join the club," he smiled at her.

"Love hurts, Andy," she whispered sadly, "and I gave up on it." She briefly gazed at him before turning back to the waves.

In that quick glance, he saw the wetness in her eyes and reached out to move her hair to one side. "It doesn't have to," he softly told her. "We've _both_ hurt people. We've _both_ been hurt. That doesn't mean we're doomed, Sharon. If anything it means we know the pitfalls to _avoid_ this time around."

"That does ring true."

"I should've just told you I like you as more than a friend but I didn't want to spook you and you _were_ married."

"I'm glad you waited," she moved to hold his hand, "I don't like how I found out but telling me before the divorce would've been disastrous I think."

"Me too," he squeezed her hand softly, "so it's a good thing I waited."

"But I wasn't fully informed, Andy," she looked at him hard.

[TBC]


	4. Haunted by the Past

_**The Choices We Make (Haunted by the Past)**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Their conversation in three parts, dealing with the present, past and future.I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

**A/N 2**: I love the beach during winter's isolation up in ME; the campfires on the beach at night are something I remember as a child growing up in DE. I have never been to CA.

~~~~~PT~~~~~

"But I wasn't fully informed, Andy," she looked at him hard.

"I know and neither was Nicole." He moved his hand from hers to run both of them over his face. "I've apologized because I know I was wrong." Taking a deep breath, "I can't help that I started caring for you as more than a friend while you were still hiding behind your marriage vows."

"Andy!" she moved away from him.

"I don't apologize for that! Seriously, Sharon? A 20 year legal separation? You were _hiding_."

He saw her jaw tremble and watched her close herself off from him. Letting her stare at the ocean seeking answers, he moved closer to the fire, warming his hands over it. When the silence grew uncomfortable, he snapped at her. "Damnit, Sharon, yell at me, cry, I don't care what you do, Just do _something_." He rose slowly, pacing near enough to her to hear any response. He didn't have to wait long.

"Do _something_?" she had that cold, low voice she used on him when he was in trouble with IA back in the day. "Okay, Andy, I'll do something." She stood to face him squarely. "I'll send a long distance thank you to Jack for making me _hard_. Then I'll send one to the _real_ cops of the LAPD for reinforcing my thick skin by _hating_ me just for being in IA. How's that?"

Shrugging, "At least you're talking to me."

"You of all people know what Jack was like in our marriage," she pointed at him.

"Not all of it. Not why you _hid_ for the better part of 20 years."

"Is that what you want, huh? You want all the gory details?" She was so angry her body was shaking but she didn't care; her voice was as controlled as it ever was. "It's not enough to know he was an alcoholic and a gambler. You need to know that he was a nasty drunk who said terrible things to me. You need confirmation that he cheated on me. You need to know that I had to borrow money from my parents when he gambled all of _my_ money away and left me with two children to take care of with only my paycheck to live on. If I didn't get that loan from them, there was _no_ way out of the debt he left me."

She wiped a tear away and his heart ached for her but they couldn't start fresh if she didn't let the old wounds heal. _He_ hadn't hurt her but she _expected_ him to and she was defending herself against it without even giving him a chance.

"What else do you need to know, Andy?"

"Why love hurts," he answered quietly.

"_That's_ not enough?" She turned away from him and wiped another tear from under her eye.

"It's not the whole reason, Sharon. For us to be together, we gotta know it all because it's gonna affect _us_. Now that you know about the thing with Nicole, you know everything there is to know about me." He lowered his voice some, "I don't know everything about you yet." He softly touched her arm, quickly removing it for fear she'd shake it off. "Tell me why love hurts, Sharon. I'm listening, I swear."

"Because people change right in front of you," she answered quietly.

"What happened? What'd he do to you?" Turning her to face him, he asked, "Did that bastard hit you? Because if he did, I'll beat his ass for it."

"No, we fought with _words_. I eventually learned not to let him get to me as much as he did in the beginning of the troubles."

"What else?"

"What do you want from me, Andy?"

"The _truth_, same as you want from me."

"I gave you the truth," she sighed and sat back by the fire.

Repeating her actions, he asked, "How was the sex after the troubles started?"

"None of _your_ business," she spat out.

"Love hurts, Sharon, sex is part of love. You hid behind your vows; wouldn't date because you were married. You gave up on love. That makes me think you just shut down and closed off that whole part of your life."

"I did give up on it all as I just told you before."

"You don't stop wanting to have sex if it was good. You don't want it if it wasn't good, specifically if it hurt like love did."

Over the sound of the crashing waves, he barely heard her response. "It did sometimes, until I didn't care anymore to let him. I got stronger as the years went by."

"Oh, God," was all he could get out, hiding his emotions behind his hands.

"Oh, come on, Andy," she stood up again to pace but stayed close to the fire, "you've been drunk before. You mean to tell me you _never_ wanted it when your wife didn't?" She stepped back as he stood up.

""I got in the shower and took care of myself or I just passed out. I never _made_ her, Sharon. God, what are you telling me?"

"That he got meaner if I didn't so I just let him when he was drunk and amorous. But it hurt for a while because I didn't want him. I was just being his wife, performing my wifely duties as he so romantically put it." She turned to wipe her tears away, then turned back to face him. "After he left me with his biggest, final mess to clean up, anytime he came back after that, I let him stay for a while but I didn't give in to him, I didn't let him stay in my bed. I was stronger, harder, more independent, solid in my career and trying to be a good example for my children," she wiped at the tears again. "But I _remember_." As his arms moved around her, she stifled a sob. "I remember, Andy."

"I am _so_ sorry you went through that. Even if it happened only once, and it sounds like a helluva lot more than that, even once would've been too many." He kissed the top of her head. "It won't happen with us." Holding her tighter, he added, "Ask my ex, I don't care if you talk to her, ask her if I ever made her, she'll tell you I didn't." Rocking her gently, he ground out, "I'm gonna bust his face for what he did to you."

Pulling back, "No, that was years ago. I let it happen, Andy, at the time I felt I was just as responsible as him but I know better now, have for years, and we've moved on from there. But you wanted to know everything that might affect us so now you do." She pulled out of his embrace to wipe her eyes again. "What do you think _now_?"

"Well, I've been calling Jack an asshole for a while now so that hasn't changed. The only reason I'm not gonna bash his face and break every bone in his body is because _you_ don't think I should." He moved to hold her from behind. "Plus they don't exactly like cops in jail," he pretended to think as he nuzzled her, "_and_ I'd run into Rusty's _other_ mother," he moved to kiss her neck, "and, most importantly, I wouldn't be able to be with _you_."

[TBC]


	5. Moving Toward the Future

_**The Choices We Make (Moving Toward the Future)**_

**Disclaimer**: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Their conversation in three parts, dealing with the present, past and future.I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

**A/N 2**: I love the beach during winter's isolation up in ME; the campfires on the beach at night are something I remember as a child growing up in DE. I have never been to CA.

~~~~~PT~~~~~

He moved to kiss her neck, "and, most importantly, I wouldn't be able to be with _you_."

Kissing her cheek, he continued. "I still like you as more than a friend. I want our next dinner to be a real date." He moved to stand in front of her, caressing her jaw. "Don't spend less time with me, Sharon. I want to spend more; I want to date you." Kissing her cheek again, "I can go as slow as you _want_ or _need_ to go. I can let you control the pace so you're _comfortable_."

Wrapping her arms around his middle, she held him tightly as he put his arms over her shoulders, enveloping her in a bear hug. "I want to date you too, Andy." She pulled away just enough to look at him. "You said you already care about me."

"I do."

"I care about you too, as more than a friend" she hesitated, "but I'm out of practice and I'll need to get to know you as a _boyfriend_ for lack of a better word right now."

Smiling, "No problem, but I gotta warn ya, you're not gonna see anything you haven't already seen. See, in my mind _logically_ we weren't dating all this time, but the part that's _illogical_ thinks we started dating about halfway through."

That brought a smile to her face as well. "Then I think I can honestly say I've met both the logical and illogical Andy."

"You have," he smirked, "and they _both_ like you."

"So that time you had that Freudian slip about dreams?"

"I dream about you," he paused, "that make you nervous?"

"Not at all."

"I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want you, Sharon, cuz I do but we won't do anything until you're ready for it."

"I trust you, Andy," she said nervously then moved back into his embrace.

"Good, I trust you too," he moved her face so he could see her, "and it's _very_ important to me that you trust me."

One hand cupped her head while the other moved to caress her cheek. He placed a trail of soft kisses down her neck, moving back up to her cheek, leaving another trail over to her mouth. Ever so lightly, he let his lips touch hers.

Knowing she could take control, she licked his lips, sucking the lower one into her mouth. Releasing it when she heard him groan, she kissed with a slightly open inviting mouth. He caught on quickly and deepened it, swirling his tongue with hers.

As the waves crashed harder onto the beach, their kisses began to match its intensity until he motioned for them to sit by the fire again. As soon as they did, she moved over to continue the kiss. By the time they each thought they should take a break and leave, she was practically in his lap, their coats now open. "Please come upstairs for coffee," she whispered huskily.

They kissed as they walked back to the car and again up against it. She could feel his desire and realized she could feel her own as well. Reluctantly breaking from the kiss, he opened the door for her. Once inside, she put her shoes back on and turned in the seat to face him. Leaning over, whispering _one for the road,_ she covered his lips with hers.

"We should consider this our first date," he said breathlessly, "cuz we're doing _a_ _lot_ of making out for a non-date."

She managed to get out, "Are you complaining?" while trying to hide her smile.

"Hell no," he whispered, pulling her in for another. When they finally moved fully back into their own seats, he added, "I will never complain about too much kissing or too much lovemaking for that matter." He turned the ignition on. "It's been a while," he gave her his lopsided grin.

"For me too." She blushed as he kissed once more before changing gears to drive her home.

She was barely out of the car in her garage when he was pulling her to him. The thought of being this happy with someone was intoxicating yet frightening at the same time for her.

_Relationships always start out good, passionate desires making you feel alive and on fire. Then reality hits and things change_. She came out of her thoughts when she heard him apologizing. Shaking her head, "I just got lost a little. You're not Jack. I want to," she hesitated, needing the right words not to send the wrong message. "I like how passionate we are, I just hope it doesn't go away."

"We're not exactly spring chickens here, Sharon, so I can't say it won't slow down over the years but it ain't gonna stop."

She was the one to initiate this time, neither stopping till they were breathless. "So coffee, yes?"

"Yes," he barely breathed out. Once they were in the elevator, he teased, "You're gonna have to take it easy on me, Sharon. If I can barely breathe just kissing you, I'm afraid what you'll do to me when we make love."

"I promise to take it easy on you," she teased, then blushed deep red causing him to wrap her in his arms.

"I do too," he whispered into her ear, as the bell dinged signaling her floor.

Once the coffee was made and they were sitting on her couch, she softly kissed him, encouraging him to deepen it. When he did, she felt herself being moved onto his lap. Giving in to what her body was feeling for the first time in such a long time, she moved his suspenders off his shoulders and pulled his shirt from his pants. She felt his hands move along her back, then up her sides stopping to caress her breasts. Her hands moved under his shirt, wanting to feel as much of him as she could while remaining a proper woman on a first date. _Yes, this is definitely a date_, she thought.

Needing to breathe freely for a while, they separated and drank their coffee.

"I don't want you to think I'm a tease, Andy," she said nervously.

"Hey, you're not, I don't," he assured her. "I don't expect you to take me to bed or ask me to stay tonight."

She moved back onto his lap. "It's not that I don't want you, I do."

He smiled widely, "You do? I mean, I know you're into the making out as much as I am but you're really telling me that you want to be with me like that? You're interested enough to eventually make love with me?"

""Yes, I am." She ran her finger over his lips. "If I wasn't so proper, I'd ask you to stay with me tonight."

"I can live with proper." Kissing each other senseless once more, he whispered, "I should go." Moving her back to the couch, his lips covered hers softly. "I don't want you to start thinking I'm only after one thing when I'm really interested in the whole package."

She walked him to the door and grabbed him for one last kiss. Needing air once again, he whispered, "Good night, Sharon."

"Good night, Andy, text me when you're home safely, _please_."

Smiling, "I always do."

[The End]


End file.
